Swimming in the Deep End

Having spent 44 years on this planet, I have learned a thing or two about love. I have learned that words are fantastic and all but in the end fairly meaningless. I have been seduced by pretty words more often than I care to admit, excusing actions that belie the most exquisite professions of love. One of my favorite songs, Teardrop by Massive Attack, begins with the following lyric "Love, love is a verb, love is a doing word." If you want to know how someone feels about you, just watch their actions...that is where you will find the truth. It is true what they say, the truth really can set you free.

Yesterday we shared our vows. There's something about making pledges in front of other people that makes it a really big deal. These were my vows. I choose you. I chose you when I barely knew you because something in your soul spoke to mine. We were both brave and followed that tugging we both felt but could not explain. We followed our hearts to the woods of North Carolina, to your river and woods. We followed our hearts to the temples of Chiang Mai and the Andaman Sea where we first pledged ourselves to one another as wives. We did all of this having known each other less than three months. Now that I know you better and have dove deeper into your waters, I choose you again. I see you as a whole person. A beautiful, flawed, lovely, person who contains multitudes. I choose you when times are good and I choose you when times are tough. My commitment to you and to us as a couple has not wavered even when we have faced challenges. I choose to first see your be...

Tomorrow I will declare my love, my intentions, and pledge myself in marriage. This is the third time I have married ; the first two times were to the father of my son. I have learned much in the intervening years. I have learned to never make a promise I cannot keep. Tomorrow I will state my intent  and hope to love my wife and to be together forever but I will also promise to release them from our marriage should they ever believe that is is not right. I will promise to tell them right away if I ever come to the conclusion that this relationship no longer works for me, instead of stringing them along. Does this mean I won't fight to make it work when times are tough? Absolutely not. We have already encountered tough times and my commitment remains steady. I will also promise to support them on their own journey as an individual. I will promise to give and take space as needed. People have told me that making promises like these is not romantic. Many think that when you ...

It seems like it is not cool anymore to be in love. It seems to me that people view love as a weakness maybe because it involves vulnerability.  I disagree; falling in love is the biggest high and the bravest thing. I did a lot of drugs in my adolescence and I tell you that none compare to the soaring sensation that falling and being madly in love brings. The problem is that it is so hard to come by. Yes, I have a lot of love in my life and love many people. But the "in love" thing? For me it is not as easy.  You see I am very demanding. For me to fall in love with you, I want it all; no I need it all. I want to peel back every single layer and see all of your insides. I want to know your hopes and dreams as well as your fears and insecurities. I want to know your shame and your sadness, your triumphs and joy. I want to know what makes you think the way you think and where you see the opportunities for improvement within yourself. I want you to be a person who is on a con...