Swimming in the Deep End

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes. - Walt Whitman I am fully capable of loving just one person and being lovers with just one person as long as that person is someone who has all of the keys to all of my locks and meets me on every level.   I also am someone who feels so good in my current in situation of engaging in two romantic relationships with two very different people and not having anyone else in my life in a sexual or romantic way. Another me wants to just be completely independent without any labeled commitments and make love to half of my friends because I really do have some amazing friends.   I want to live alone in the woods. I want to live in Manhattan. I want to live with my partner in the home that we own. I want to live in an intentional community with my lover and his family (in separate houses) and other amazing people. I want to be a vagabond and travel the world with no home and no...

When I was 18 I took off on a greyhound bus to Northern California to take part in Redwood Summer .       I went alone with a small tent, a backpack and $50 in my pocket. That summer I lived in the forest, in my tent sometimes, but more frequently I slept under the stars curled up with another activist cuddling to stay warm and because it just feels good. I swam naked, learned to become a leader, and went to jail twice for the trees.   I had amazing lovers and was completely free. Leaving my life for a summer like that at age 18 was much easier than I can imagine it would be at age 42, but oh do I feel nostalgic for those summer days.   I’m craving an adventure. It is an insatiable hunger, an unscratchable itch under my skin. I don’t just mean another week long scuba trip, but a real adventure.   I’ve been daydreaming about quitting my job, cashing in my 401K and just traveling solo for several months or longer. I’ve spent hours checking out ...