Let's Fall In Love
It seems like it is not cool anymore to be in love. It seems to me that people view love as a weakness maybe because it involves vulnerability. I disagree; falling in love is the biggest high and the bravest thing. I did a lot of drugs in my adolescence and I tell you that none compare to the soaring sensation that falling and being madly in love brings. The problem is that it is so hard to come by. Yes, I have a lot of love in my life and love many people. But the "in love" thing? For me it is not as easy.
You see I am very demanding. For me to fall in love with you, I want it all; no I need it all. I want to peel back every single layer and see all of your insides. I want to know your hopes and dreams as well as your fears and insecurities. I want to know your shame and your sadness, your triumphs and joy. I want to know what makes you think the way you think and where you see the opportunities for improvement within yourself. I want you to be a person who is on a constant quest to know yourself better and to be a better person. I need you to share all of that with me and I need you to want all of that from me.
I need you to be kind. Not just nice, but actually kind, which comes from a much deeper place. I need you to be kind to people you care about and people you don't know. I need you to be kind to Republicans even, not just people who are like minded.
I require my love to have a sense of adventure and wonder about the world. I want you to share joy in simple pleasures like eating a ripe peach that is so juicy it runs down our chins or laying in a hammock watching the clouds and birds and realizing that this moment is perfect. I want you to skinny dip with me and white water raft with me and do things that help remind us that we are alive.
Be curious. I don't even really care what it is that you are curious about; we do not have to share the same passions but I want you to be someone who is always learning new things and wanting to know more about whatever strikes your fancy. I want to learn from you and teach you and learn together.
You should be smart. I've tried it other ways and it just doesn't work. You need to be able to keep up with me. If you are clever as well as smart that is even better.
Are you able to experience sex as sacred? Can you see that it is a beautiful mingling of two souls? I hope so because at its best that is what it is for me. Are you kinky as well? Not necessary, but icing on the cake if you are. I want to make sweet love to you, but I also want to fuck like it's our last day on earth. I want you to take me and I want to take you. I want it raw and animalistic. I want to lose ourselves in each other. I want you to take me away from this world to a place where nothing exists except you and me, our love, our skin, our sweat, our need for each other. I want to gorge on you, feast on you and have you do the same with me. And when we are sated, I want to talk and giggle and kiss and then begin all over again. But most of all, I want it to mean something to you. I want you to know that I don't just let anyone inside of my body.
I want you to show me you love me, not just tell me. Don't get me wrong, I am a lover of words and if you are good with words then you should know how sexy I find that. But in the end words are just that and the way to my heart is to show me your qualities rather than tell them to me. Show me I am a priority rather than paying lip service. Are you on your phone while we are on a date? Well that tells me where your head is and it's not with me. If you have something better to be doing, then I encourage you to do it.
Do you love yourself? Do you have self confidence? I cannot save you, I cannot give you confidence. I won't. I need you to be strong and capable all on your own. I need you to know that you are worthy. I cannot feed the bottomless pit of need of someone who has not learned to love and value themselves. I've done that and that is too much of an energy suck. Yes I will be strong for you when you are weak but that cannot be our default setting. We can each take turns being the strong one when needed but mostly we will be strong all on our own.
Can you handle loving a butterfly? I am free, I need to be free. You will never own me. I will never promise you forever. If forever happens then I am thrilled. Can you handle that you will not be the only person who will have my love? I have a big heart that I've not even found the limits of. Our love will be different than my love for anyone else, but I have a lot of people in my life who matter to me, not necessarily a lot of lovers but people who hold special places in my heart. I need you to love this about me, not resent me for it.
I am so fortunate right now with the amount of love I have in my life, both romantic and non. Even on my worst days, I have a warmth in my heart because I love well and am well loved in return. I hope you are all as lucky.