Ch ch ch Changes ....Turn and Face the Strange
So many changes in my life. Those that know me may think I’m acting impulsively, and maybe I am. But this is my life. I know what I am doing. I am listening to my heart. This is my only rule. Okay, well maybe I have two rules: be honest and listen to my heart. This is my path to happiness, the only one I know that works.
It makes me sad that the choices I have made cause others to feel loss and grief but I cannot live my life for anyone but myself. I have to trust that the loves I have left will cherish what we had and will find someone who is a better fit for them just as I have found my perfect fit. I hope that the loves I have left will find someone who will love them back in equal measure and not want more or less than they have to offer.
I tried the poly thing. It didn’t work for me. I tried really hard to make it work for me in my heart and in my mind. Initially it worked for me because I wasn’t fully in love with my partner, so of course I felt capable of loving more than one. My former lover gave me so much. He reminded me that I am capable of deep love, of great feeling. He rekindled hope in me and for that I will always be grateful. I will always be grateful for the time we shared, for the love and the friendship. Ironically, falling in love not only lead to my breakup with my partner but also to my breakup with him.
I realized I don’t want a part time love. I want happiness and deep love every single day, not long distance, but physically in my life every day. Ultimately what I want is one person for whom I am enough. I want one person who is enough for me, a person with whom I can share my life in every way. I want one person who will invite me in to their inner world and who will want to come into mine.
I have found this person. Our love is sacred, it is deep and solid and feels like home. To share myself with another would feel like I am not honoring our love or my heart’s deepest desire. I am so confident in my decision, in my choice, that I am taking a leap. I am following the whispers in my heart and making a life with my love. In the coming months we will share a home, we will share a name, we will be bound by words and intent and our love. A love that feels like magic.
“This is my life. I know how to live it. In every moment I know exactly how to live it.”