Birds Do Not Belong in Cages
I’ve been thinking lately about labels, boxes, and expectations. These all are counter to my basic nature. One of the privileges of growing older has been the ability to eschew expectations and to just march to the beat of my own drum.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about how sad it is that society places greater significance on romantic relationships than platonic. I don’t like wasting my time hanging out on the surface. If you are more than an acquaintance, I want to go to the deep end with you. I want to peel back your layers and find the meat of you. This is the thrill of human connection, being truly seen and seeing others. Why should we only do this with someone we are making it with?
And why are people so concerned about who we are or are not making it with?
I tell you I am thrilled beyond measure to have moved into my own new space, a space where I live alone. Physically moving to a new space was an important step for me in moving on from my marriage which in the end was horribly toxic. I feel like have broken free from a cage. In a way my former spouse did me a favor when they stole all of my furniture. Starting over with new furniture that I have selected because it brings me joy enhances my feeling of independence - a fresh start with a clean slate.
I recently wrote about the desire to run away to a place where I have no history, and yes, that is tempting. However, I am choosing to stay in the place I love the best, close to my friends and family. I am choosing the path forward that suits me and honestly if anyone disapproves they can fuck themselves. I’m good with me.
Right now my path forward looks like being an independent woman who is not in any sort of committed relationship but who is free to develop connections with people in my life in a way that feels natural to that relationship. The line between lover and friend can be blurry and I’m fine with that. The line between a date and hanging out has always been confusing to me. One of the best dates I ever had was a friendiversary celebration with my bestie where we got dressed up, went out to a fancy dinner, and then the ballet. No, we didn’t fuck after but it felt special and wonderful.
I feel a sense of joy returning to my heart that has been absent for a very long time. I feel like I am coming into my own again. I don’t ever want to lose sight of who I am in service to another.
I feel happy and ready to suck the marrow out of life, engaging in all of the adventure possible.