Is There Anybody Out There?

It has been some time since I've posted a blog. So much has happened in my life, so much is happening still; not just significant events, of which there have been several, but changes in my emotional landscape. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the folks I ended relationships with in November and December, my switch from polyamory to monogamy, my new love, my friends and family's reaction to my life changes, etc. I am choosing not to write about any of it because I'm just not ready to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with the 15 people who read this and perhaps I never will be ready.

An interesting thing occurred recently. I took one of those Facebook quizzes, a Star Wars Myers Briggs dealio and my result was Luke Skywalker, but the funny thing is that according to this very scientific quiz on top of being a whiner Luke is an INFP. I've always been an ENFP. It feels accurate for me though right now, the switch from introverted to extroverted. This usually happens for me in January for a few weeks when I've become exhausted from all of the holiday happenings and flood of people but it's generally gone by February. This time it's lingering, this hermit like tendency.  

I was on Fetlife for a short time and deleted my profile in November. Not because I'm no longer kinky, but because I realized I don't want to be publicly kinky. My kink is between me and my lover and maybe something I would share with a close friend, but not something I need to display for the world.

I miss my friends, but I am having a hard time actually getting myself to go out to see anyone or communicate in a significant way. I'm feeling quiet and introspective, enjoying wrapping myself in my cloak of solitude and introspection.

I'm also exhausted from a serious case of jetlag which will happen when you spend 3 weeks 14 hours from your time zone...maybe that's it.

I'm wondering if when the spring comes I will come out of my shell, or if this is a more permanent shift for me.

On another tangent...I think this next year will be a year of much change. Part of that change will be to re-evaluate all of my friendships to see who I really want to have in my inner circle and which friendships have maybe served their purpose and are ready to be phased out or downgraded to acquaintances. My emotional energy is finite and I want to surround myself with genuine caring loving people whose personal journeys compliment my own.

And now I'm rambling so I'll end this post. I just wanted you all to know that I'm still here. Maybe I'll have something interesting to say next time.

Comments

  1. I love this post. I love the honesty. There is so much real here, and I deeply appreciate how you allow yourself ride the waves. I'm super grateful to surf along side you. <3

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