Swimming in the Deep End

The other day,  I read this brilliant essay with tears streaming down my face.   Please read it. This Is Not For You    Pretty much every single word she wrote resonated with me.   I have struggled feeling like I fit anywhere all of my life, but I'm always extra sad when I feel like a misfit in my own community.  I’ve been called bisexual like it’s a dirty word. I recall the times when women have bragged about being gold stars* with an air of superiority.  I cannot tell you how many time people have treated me like property of my butch partners because I am wearing a skirt and heels and expertly applied eyeliner.  I remember that one time a “well meaning” gay guy asked me   if I was gay because I thought I couldn’t get a guy because I’m not skinny, and tried to reassure me that I’m still pretty even if I’m not thin. (Maybe because I’m girly he thought I wasn’t genuinely queer.) I have loved men, both cis and trans. I have loved them fo...

I have been thinking a lot lately about male privilege and masculine of center privilege. I have been having discussions on the topic with friends and lovers. I asked Kyle if he would consider writing on the topic from his perspective as a masculine of center person (MOC) who experiences privilege and who’s privilege is increasing as he becomes more masculine in appearance. (I encourage you to check it out because he speaks to the topic much more eloquently than I am able. Thoughts on Masculine Privilege ) In a recent conversation with my primary partner on this topic, she seemed surprised that I thought she had any privilege as a masculine presenting woman. I reminded her a few incidents in our past.   A few years ago, my primary partner and I went to a gallery show of photographs at our local queer community center. We had looked at all of the pieces and were just hanging out sipping the free wine and chatting with a woman who was new to the area. She loo...

A true story about the night I first met Kyle Jones, who can be found at  butchtastic.net . I became aware of Kyle because of an interview he did with Sinclair on his blog about poly. I had always been curious about poly and sent him a note thanking him for sharing and asking him some questions. Soon after we became friends. I actually met him once before in person, but that night I was with my partner, and we were still in a monogamous relationship, so we didn't really get a chance to talk a lot. We were flirty at times online, but mostly had always kept it in the friend zone. Then my primary relationship opened up and a few months later I found myself in his town on business. I was excited to finally get to spend one on one time with him, but we hadn't been flirty in quite some time, so I had no expectations other than to hang out with a friend. After a long day spent with a client, I checked in to my hotel and got ready for our evening. He t...