Swimming in the Deep End

Grief sits like a rock in my heart This rock is made of molten lava, it certainly feels that way This red hot lava rock is burning burning burning The tears fall down my cheeks I imagine the lava rock searing a hole straight through my heart Then out of my chest, plopping out and landing on my keyboard Grief, they say, is only lessened with time I am staring down the long dark road ahead Squaring my shoulders and taking steps Letting myself feel all of it I walk down this road leaving a trail of red hot rocks behind

These are dark and scary times we are entering. Our country has elected a racist bigot who has no respect for women and who seems willing to take way the rights of LGBTQ folks. When I first heard the news I was shocked, I made my way home and sobbed, plotting my move to Canada. The next day was kind of a haze, but amid the haze I realized I would not abandon my home and community out of fear. Yesterday I went for a body/energy treatment, which was amazing. If you are in the Portland area Laura is offering this on a donation basis during the month of November as a way to help people during this stressful time. Check it out here . I went in feeling the weight of the world on my body, not just what has been going on politically but the turmoil that has been going on in my personal life as well. I cannot tell you how healing this was for me to take this time for self care. I walked out of there feeling so much better emotionally. I felt myself surrounded by a pink bubble shield of prot

You know those stories about people just chucking everything and taking off for the wildnerness, or a year of world travel, or a hike up the Pacific Crest or Appalachian trail? I crave the ability to take a real journey of that nature.  I have great envy for those folks who are financially capable of doing such things. Maybe they don't have to worry about a mortgage and student loan payments. Even though I am incapable of physically leaving on a grand adventure of self discovery, I find myself in the wilderness,  even as I sit in my beige cubicle in insurance land. Somewhere along the way I lost me. Sometime in the last couple of years I forgot who I am. I became a smaller version of myself until now when I look in the mirror I  barely recognize the person staring back.   I had been thinking I needed help finding my way back to who I am, but the realization struck me this weekend. Why should I limit myself to finding my way back to who I once was? Why not just strip off ev